Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in girlinthestars' LiveJournal:

Thursday, October 27th, 2005
12:35 pm	'Love will tear us apart' So, I decided to have a bit of an Itunes Buying spree. I downloaded a load of older and newer tunes that I've been meaning to for a while, and that made me smile. Yesterday...I didn;t think about things in context very much [:)] Went out for dinner with Sarah as I haven't seen her since she went to France, and then we decorated some Haloween cakes in her kitchen. Note: never use too mucyh water in Icing....bad. But yeah, all this music has made me laugh, cry whatever, but generally I feel so good recently. Which has to be a good thing, right? Current Mood: Crazeee Current Music: Test icicles- dancing on pegs (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
5:56 pm	WHY DO YOU GET CLOSE TO PEOPLE THEN DISCOVER THEY DON'T GIVE A SHIT? REMIND ME. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER TELL ANYONE WHAT YOU FEEL. IT ONLY CAUSES HURT. THAT IS ALL. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
3:25 pm	"What I like about you You hold me tight Tell me I'm the only one Wanna come over tonight? Warm whispering in my ear Tell me all the things that I want to hear 'Cause it's true That's what I like about you What I like about you You really know how to dance When you go up down, jump around Talk about about true romance Warm whispering in my ear Tell me all the things that I want to hear 'Cause it's true That's what I like about you That's what I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you You keep me warm at night Never wanna let you go You know you make me feel alright Warm whispering in my ear Tell me all the things that I want to hear 'Cause it's true That's what I like about you" That's my favourite song of all time, by the Ramones, incase the words did'nt give thier game away, it's called What I like about you. It always reminds me of why...I like things! (Comment on this)
Monday, October 24th, 2005
11:01 pm	Ah, so it's shit late, there's stars all around and I'm tired. But I'm still here. Dedication or what. Imagine a day so fast you think it's still morning when it's almost midnight. That was today. What else can I say, it went so fast I had no time to dwell on any problems I might have. Quite pleasing, in the scheme of things. Frivolous purchases, Impulsive TV viewing and a late night surfing session. No worries. No problems. No shit. Current Mood: Content Current Music: Music is the Victim- Scissor Sisters (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
5:29 pm	Fucking with your eyes closed What would happen if all our dreams came true? In a paralell universe, are the people who have everything they want happy? Or do they simply smile at the people they once craved, then fuck them with thier eyes closed, knowing one day they will ruin thier lives. Maybe the mystery is the magic. Maybe once it's gone then live isn't worth it anymore. I like to hope so. Maybe if we didn't cut ourselves eveytime you shaved your legs then we wouldn't learn. Maybe fucking with your eyes closed is necessary. Maybe you see your whole life as it is, in tatters when you fuck the person you wanted once upon a time. Maybe we shouldn't get what we want. Maybe it's bad for us. Current Mood: Creative Current Music: Bloc Party- Helicopter (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 22nd, 2005
8:49 pm	'you know you wouldn't want it any other way' Well, what a difference a day makes, I feel a lot more relaxed after just one day of maxin' and relaxin' I am totally different. Well at least my thoughts are. I feel a lot more organised that this time last night. And I have to say I like it. What the problem was, well, I was in love. Accidentally, hopelessly in love. But it wasn't just with one individual person, it was with lots of people, and it was just messing me around, because there were sort of 3 people who, whenever I saw them I just lapsed into a wave of depression because I couldn't have them. It almost killed me I swear. But I don't know. I guess I was avoiding thinking it over explicitly, and in the end it became inevitable, and I needed to stew over my thoughts, and I realised that I was just confused and overwhelmed, and probably not acutally in love. But I still like them a lot, but I'm hoping that it won't be borderline obsession anymore. I want to find a way to tell them I;ll always be here, but I just can't. But, I hope they have a way of knowing that whatever happens I'll always be here as a friend or whatever they need me for. I will always hold feelings for them, but I can;t let it rule my life. Actually, suprise suprise I have found a song which reflects the love I feel.....Lovely head...Goldfrapp...listen to it... "It starts in my belly Then up to my heart Into my mouth I can’t keep it shut Do you recognize the smell Is that how you tell Us apart I fool myself To sleep and dream Nobody’s there No-one but me So cool You’re hardly there Why can’t this be killing you Frankenstein would want your mind Your lovely head Your lovely head" And also, one line from the Maroon Five song 'This love is taking it's toll on me;, damn it is! Anyway, so as I said, hopefully for now, it has taken it's toll and now I'm coming out of it. So it won;t consume me so much......and now.....I can be me again. My Lovely head. Here's to that..... Current Mood: Hmmm.... Current Music: Lovely Head- Goldfrapp (Comment on this)
3:43 pm	'Music, it's the people, come together' Well, since I rant and rave about it so much in my Bio area, I thought you might like a quick run through of whats on my Itunes and so forth. Well, first up, I'll tell you about my top bands from right now: Scissor Sisters- Right, I LOVE these guys. I know they're mainstream, but the real message is so overlooked! They've opened up music, going above the whole Gay issues and come out on top. I love how proud they are of who they are. And Ana Matronic, well, she's just my supreme idol. If I can be such a lovely inspirational human being one day I swear I will die happy. The White Stripes- This is raw as it gets. And I can;t get enough. I'm not a new album Baby either, I've loved them for a long time. Their newer stuff is so emotive and beautiful. I cannot wait until November the 11th when I head off to Blackpool for some live loving. My other favourite bands at the moment are: The Bees,Subways,Arctic Monkeys, The La's, Faithless, Gwen Stefani, No Doubt, Muse, The Dirtbombs, Alanis Morrisette, The Used, The Ceasers, Razorlite, Keane, Franz Ferdinand, The Killers, The Bravery, The Coral, Snow Patrol, Stereophonics, Blondie, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Basement Jaxx, Interpol, Rilo Kiley, Yeah Yeah Yeah's, The Futureheads, Maximo Park, Faith Hill, Led Zepplin. LeAnn Rimes, Kiki and Herb, Lacuna Coil, Kelly Clarkson, Athlete, Do me bad things, U2, Eva Cassidy, Cyndi Lauper, Cranberries, Train, Kings of Leon, Kasabian, My Chemical Romance,Goldfrapp, Natasha Badingfeild, Christina Aguilara, Outkast,The Hives, Niravna,The Beatles, Black eyed Peas, The who, Offspring, Rufus Wainwright, Bloc Party, The sights, Joss Stone, The Thrills, Coldplay, Embrace, Editors, HIM....loads of other kick-ass bands begginning with the word 'the' I enjoy seeing bands I live, so far I've seen Rooster, Idlewild, Joss Stone, Athlete, Embrace and Franz Ferdinand at this years V festival, Scissor Sisters headlined it, and it was quite an emotional thing for me finally seeing them live, right up front. It was gorgeous and glittery and just so lovely. Goldfrapp.....new academy in Newcastle, these were there on the second night and I just couldn;t resist going along. Again I managed to snake my way to the front, past all the pervy old men who had gathered to leer at Alsion Goldfrapp's tits, and I got some decent photo's. Very sexy, loved it. Next month [November 2005] I am excitedly going to The White stripes and The Bravery, then no more until 2006. Touche. Current Mood: Cool... Current Music: Dead Leaves and The Dirty Ground- White Stripes (Comment on this)
11:41 am	'You're my favourtie moment,You're my Saturday' Morning, Well, I suppose sometime sleep can sort out your head. I got a good 10 hours last night and I feel a lot clearer. Well, my mind is still about as clear as mud, but I just feel like I can categorise all my thoughts a lot easier today. Hopefully it will last for more than a few hours. I wanted to put some song lyrics in here, from a song called Better Son/ Daughter by a band I like named Rilo Kiley. I think it kind of sums up a lot of what I was thinking last night anyway! So here goes.... "Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move Awake but cannot open my eyes And the weight is crushing down on my lungs I know I can't breathe And hope someone will save me this time And your mother's still calling you insane and high Swearing it's different this time And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her And that god never blessed her insides Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things And crawl back into bed to dream of a time When your heart was open wide and you love things just because Like the sick and dying And sometimes when you're on You're really fucking on And your friends they sing along And they love you But the lows are so extreme That the good seems fucking cheap And it teases you for weeks in its absence But you'll fight and you'll make it through You'll fake it if you have to And you'll show up for work with a smile And you'll be better You'll be smarter More grown up and a better daughter or son And a real good friend And you'll be awake You'll be alert You'll be positive though it hurts And you'll laugh and embrace all of your friends And you'll be a real good listener You'll be honest You'll be brave You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful You'll be happy Your ship may be coming in You're weak but not giving in To the cries and the wails of the valley below Your ship may be coming in You're weak but not giving in And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them" Ok, so you can call me sad or whatever but I love them. Everyone is so much cooler than me anyway, so I have nothing to lose by getting someone else above me! They just seem so real, as in, 'the lows are so extreme that the good feels fucking cheap'....too right it does. 'My ship may be coming in, I'm weak but not giving in' That's how it is now, decided. Current Mood: Calm Current Music: A better son/daugher - Rilo Kiley (Comment on this)
Friday, October 21st, 2005
10:47 pm	Who am I? Well, after that rant I just made, I'm sure you're all pretty freaked out by me. I just want to say to you all, whoever it might be that reads this. I'm not mentally deranged or anything [yet]. I just have a whole load of stuff in my mind and going on in my life that I will most likely spill in here at a later date anyway. And I suppose I just need a way to deal with it all. I guess it's just the ordinary stuff that might plague someone like me. Love, Lust, desire, friends, family, studies, life ect. But I seem to contemplate this stuff a lot more than the average person. I don't know why, and I don;t particulary like it, but I do, so I just deal with it. If you don't like how deep I go, then don't read. But this is my life, my world, and I'm prepared to tell you if you're prepared to listen. I'm actually not that freaky, as you will Hopefully find out if you percivere! Beccy xx Current Mood: Kind of weird Current Music: Scissor Sisters- Take your Mama (Comment on this)
10:26 pm	Welcome to my world Here we are, attempt #100000 at starting a diary. But I swear this time I am going to keep it up to date and be totally, brutally honest. Well, I might decide not to name people for thier own sake as well as mine, but, even if it means calling people X&Y, I'm ging to do it this time. Recently I've found myself with so many feelings inside and no place to write them all down, so I figured that I should have this for me, not to try and impress my friends, not to amuse myself with aimless doodles, but a place to write down all the shit inside of me in an attempt to take it out of myself. I don't know how to express what I feel. The best analogy I can think of is to imagine that I'm walking along a thin line, and on one side of it is happinnes and contentment, where I can be totally myself and proud of who I am, and on the other side is depression and sadness. I'm carrying all these boxes which represent the stuff I have to deal with, if I'm carrying more good boxes on a particular day, then I fall into the good side and get caught by all my friends, if I am unbalanced by bad boxes, then I fall into the bad side and breakdown. it seems that I can fall off Loads of times every day, and it dosen't take much to offset me. I suppose I'm just a stupidly emotional person, but Ive decided that I'm through with caring what others think of me and bothering about what they feel. Because too many times I've wondered how doing something will affect people who claim to be my friends and it turns out they just don't give a shit. Basically, I'm sick of putting so much effort and time and love into things and getting nothing but hurt back out. it pisses me right off. I suppose I put on a charade of being untouched by all of it, but I really truly am. I have feelins which are probably more sensetive than a lot of peoples and the effort I have to put into not showing them is immense, almost consuming. I've decided that this has to mark a new start where I'm out for myself. I'm not going to settle for second best anymore, I've relaised that I get one shot, one chance at making a success out of myself and if I fail then, thats it, it's all gone. So I need to aim for the stars and hit them. Stop watching people I want to be like, and start changing myself so I am more like the people I idolise. If I love someone and they don;t care for me, I need to learn to move on and stop lingering, caring for a person that I will never have, or will never want me like I want them. Sometimes, it's not possible, and you need to stop having stupid crushes that posses you like demons and get over it. I want this diary to be the place where I offload all my shit, where I tell everything that bothers me and stop warping my mind by trying to deal with it inside. I want this page to become my best friend. A true friend that knows everything about me but never judges. Some of it will be public, but some of the deeper stuff which is basically a self-confession will be private to me. Either way, I am going to confess everything, and let most of it loose for the world to see. And if someone who I love should happen to stumble across this dig, well I hope they read it and realise how much pain they caused me by hating me. I hope it bothers them, like it did to me. And I hope that the people who hate me for not being like them read this and realise that I'm a better person than they are, because I think I am. Just because I don't want to settle for what they like, does that make me bad? Does wanting the best for my life make me so terrible? So, here we go, day one in my search for meaning, love and overall, happiness. I know there will be highs and I know there will be lows, but I'm prepared to ride it out. Today is day one for me. Current Mood: I am me. Current Music: Black Cherry- Goldfrapp (Comment on this)